Lesbian Request Denied?
by UnicellularKittyAlice
Summary: This my version of the episode: Lesbian Request Denied. But with no Crazy Eyes throwing pie. Angst ish. Alex P.O.V all the way. VauseMan because duh. One-Shot? I guess. R&R


"Stay the _fuck _away from me."

I couldn't help the pain that flooded through me like hot lava, enflaming my insides with a burning fire of hurt. Piper, my one true love, was hurting me, once again. Apparently, leaving me when I needed her most wasn't enough; now she had to do this. It was too much, it's still too much. I love this woman with all my heart, even despite what she's done, I still love her. _Why do I still love her?_

Her blue eyes stared at me with such hate, and disdain and I still loved her. Despite how she was looking at me I still loved her beyond words. Despite everything thats happened, and everything that we've been through I still felt for Piper Chapman. Maybe I'm crazy, and maybe I'm a masochist but I will never stop loving her. _Never_. And it hurt to think that because despite my loving her, and despite my pining for her affections I still had no clue how she felt towards me. She was, is, a whirlwind of emotions that I cant even begin to keep up with. She either hates my guts, or she loves me. And I'm not sure which because every time we even begin to warm up to one another, shit hits the fan. Either I fuck up or she fucks up, or one of us gets locked in the SHU. _Cough_-Piper-_cough._ And still through all that I still hold deep emotions for this woman. This crazy beautiful, sultry, smart woman. Piper Chapman holds my heart within her delicate, soft hands. And I'm not sure wether or not she knows that, that my heart is hers for the taking. All hers, _always_ hers. I couldn't help the tears that pooled into my eyes, or the itch in my chest as she glared at me. "P-Piper..I.."

I _hated_ the way that I stumbled over my words, the way that my chin trembled, the way that my eyes clouded over with tears. I didn't mean to, trust me, I didn't want to break down in front of her. But I couldn't help the way I crumbled away to nothing. I covered my face and sobbed into my hands, my entire frame shaking. I felt so weak, and vulnerable. All because of this woman, my love.

I got up from the table, my eyes blurred and unfocused, and ran to the library. The only place I could think of. The quiet of the library rang in my ears, making me feel even more alone. I sat in the fiction isle and curled into myself, my face buried in my knees, tears streaming freely down my face as I shook with silent sobs. It hurt so much. Even more so than before, when she left me. This was worse in a way, it felt as if my heart had been torn out of my chest and shoved down my throat. Yes, this pain was far much worse. "Alex?"

Her accented voice was soft, concerned. I looked up into the worried eyes of Morello, with Nichols slightly behind her. I quickly wiped at my eyes with shaking hands, my breath slighty ragged. "Ye-_ahem_-Yeah?"

I tried my best to look okay, so they would leave me alone. I just wanted to be alone. "Are you okay?"

I nod hurriedly, sniffing. "I'm fine, I was just.." I looked around for an excuse and my eyes landed on 'Great Expectations'. I grabbed the book and shook it, "I was reading and uh..this part just always gets me." I laughed awkwardly and looked down at the book to avoid the skeptical looks of my fellow inmates.

"What part?" I eternally cursed at Nichols and her skepticism. I opened the book to where a page was luckily folded over and showed it to them. Morello grabbed the book and read it aloud, "Once for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. Once for all; I love her none the less because I knew it, and it had no more influence in restraining me, than if I had devoutly believed her to be human perfection."

They both looked at me, eyebrows raised. I felt silent tears run down my cheeks, what are the odds that this book was written about me? Those were my _exact_ feelings in this moment. My feelings about Piper. _Piper._ The more I thought about her, the more I wanted to find her and tell her I'm sorry. To tell her I love her and grovel for her mercy and forgiveness. To tell her I wanted her back. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up at Nichols. "Why don't you tell us what this is really about, because you and I both know you've _damn_ well never seen or read this book before in your life."

I couldn't help the watery laugh that escaped my lips as she and Morello chuckled. She was right, I'd never heard of this book before. I heaved a sigh and looked at them. "You sure you want to know?"

They both nodded, soft smiles on their faces. Well, Nichols' smile was more of a smirk, but I don't think she could help that. I looked down at my hands, a few tears escaping against my will and landing in my palms.

"P-Piper"

I could barely say her name. I could barely breathe. It came out weak and pained. As if they were my last words, uttered before death. "S-She hates me and I.." A loud sob erupted from my chest, and I couldn't stop my hands from shaking almost violently. "I-I love her so much"

Morello cooed and wrapped an arm around me, and pulled me so close to her that my head was on her shoulder as I cried. "Shh honey, its gonna be okay. Shhh"

I turned into her embrace and buried my head in her neck as I cried my heart out, the occasional sob breaking free. Morello just held me, cooing into my ear and stroking my hair. Whispering a mantra of, "Its okay", "We're here for you honey" and "Let it out". While Nichols rubbed my back. She didn't say anything but she didn't have to, I knew all the words she would say would be similar to Morello's.

As I cried, I faintly heard footsteps and a small gasp. Morello shook her head at the person, whom I still hadn't looked at. "Hun, it's probably best you're not here right now."

"Alex...?"

I looked up into the eyes of Piper Chapman and almost immediately felt a pain in my chest. A whimper fell past my dry lips and I buried my head back in Morello's neck, new tears emerging in my eyes. "P-Piper..please just go..."

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, as I shook with sobs against Morello's small frame once more. "P-Please..go"

I heard a thud, and shuffling, then a hand on my forearm. "Alex.."

"Piper, maybe its best if you go" Nichols' voice rang out.

I shook my head and looked at Piper, who still hadn't left. "Piper." She gasped at my voice, which was void of emotion. "Piper, please just leave me alone." A stray tear flitted down my cheek and I took a ragged breath, "Please."

She shook her head, tendrils of her blonde hair swaying as she did so. "No." She brought up a hand and wiped away my tears with her thumb, and I sighed at he contact, my eyes closing at her soft touch as I momentarily forgot where we were. "Never again, will I leave you Alex."

I opened my eyes and looked into Piper's mesmerizing blue irises. "Piper..." My voice came out as no more than a whisper. I can't believe I'm about to say this. "Piper...I-"

Piper brought a finger to my lips and shushed me. "Shh. I know."

I stare at her, wide eyed. She knew? "You know?"

Instead of answering, Piper swiped her thumb across my bottom lip and leaned forward slowly, pressing her soft lips against mine. The room disappeared, Nichols and Morello disappeared. Everything blurred into the background and, for a second, I was transported to before, when Piper and I used to share kisses in hotel rooms, when we made out in that bathroom in the bar, when I asked her to come with me, when I first saw her sitting at that bar, as beautiful as ever. I remembered everything. Everything, including the bad parts. But, I couldn't, wouldn't, linger on those bad moments; Piper is kissing me, soft and sweet.

And when the kiss ends, much to my dismay, I stare at Piper in shock, and awe. "So, do you..?"

She smiles a shy smile, a light blush tinting her cheeks, and I cant help but stare at her. She's never been more beautiful. "I do."

A traitorous tear escapes my eye and rolls down my cheek, and Piper wipes it away, leaning forward and capturing my lips in another sweet embrace. We kiss until lunch is well over, and the library closes; Until Pornstache comes and whisks us away to our sections, and even when he walks away, shaking his head and muttering about, "Damn lesbos", Piper sneaks into my bed and kisses me again. And that's how I fall asleep, Piper curled in my arms, whispering sweet nothings to one another; and I think to myself, this is the best day of my life.


End file.
